My Year in Review
I would like to say this year has flown by, but really, only the last three months have felt fast. While I’m blessedly out of the worst of it now, this year was a really hard one.
By the time I reached the end of 2024, I was in obvious burnout. I remember thinking that if something didn’t change in the way I managed my time, things were only going to get worse.
And they did. I spent the first several months of the year convinced that I needed to get out, in every way. I felt trapped, frustrated, scared, unsure of myself, and continously disappointed in my ability to feel like anything good was happening. I announced that I was burnt out at a staff meeting sometime around Holy Week (when everyone is burnt out anyway). What I didn’t mention is that I had cried every day that week.
It wasn’t just work. It was…everything. The social landscape in the US seemed bent on increased dehumanization and cruelty. It felt like a lot of norms were collapsing, which was creating a lot of community crises, all of which, as a priest, felt like my job to fix. Things compounded when the Hill Country floods devastated the community I serve. And compounded again when SNAP benefits were delayed.
What I have learned (again) is that *I* am not going to save the world. I can only “pray without ceasing,” then “gird my loins” and walk into the fray. I won’t fix everything, I won’t always feel good or brave, and I won’t be the smartest or most equipped person in the room. I have to do it anyway. And I have to trust that showing up is real and holy work – and it matters.
While basically every month this year felt impossible in some way, I was very fortunate to get to go to a clergy retreat in June that helped me reset something in my brain. I got to see old friends, make new ones, and lean into the freedom of just being a person. It helped me rediscover my sense of call and take some steps toward fearlessness, which I desperately needed.
At the end of July, Daniel and I got to go “home” to Florida for my best friend’s bridal shower and my sister’s grad school graduation. And in September, we went “back home again” to my OG home state of Indiana, where we stayed with my uncle, saw a friend I’d met at the conference in June, and thrift shopped ’til we dropped. Then, in October, we made our way up to upstate New York so I could officiate my aforementioned friend’s wedding.
Other highlights: We had family visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, I got to see Taylor Tomlinson’s show in May, I kayaked with a friend on my 37th birthday, I got two poems published in an anthology, and I got to do a couple ministry presentations for an Episcopal organization. We sang Feliz Navidad with other customers at a local restaurant just because someone started the song. I preached dozens of sermons, some of which I was really proud of. And I baptized at least 15 people, which is my favorite. Daniel and I also worked together on a grant application that will make a big difference for my community.
The reality of this hard year is that it was hard for everyone in some way, and for some, it was the worst year of their life. I was brought so low by my own sense of helplessness and survivor’s guilt that I eventually came out the other side because there was nowhere else to go. I am grateful to feel stronger and more settled, more capable of doing a little something, and less guilty about not being able to save the world.
As I do every year, I like to look back on my goals from the previous year, do a bit of reflecting, and set new goals.
Here were 2025’s goals:
- Join a choir or musical group. No excuses. Make it work.
- I tried, but I didn’t like the one I joined. However, I was able to rehearse and sing with my church’s choir on several occasions and that was wonderful. I will continue to look for those opportunities.
- Go outside more. Kayak, walk around the lake, take a hike, etc.
- I achieved this, I think. Maybe not in the way I imagined, but I am certainly enjoying Austin more, taking more walks, and in general, becoming more active for the sake of my own happiness.
- Go on a 15-year anniversary trip (out of the country).
- We didn’t do this, but we took WAY more out-of-state trips than I thought we would, all of them to spend time with loved ones, which was a balm to the spirit.
- Rest when it’s time to rest. Rest meaningfully. Stop making non-urgent things urgent.
- Drumroll please…I finally went back to my spiritual director and I now have a therapist! Both are helping me remember what is my work to do, and what is not. I am very boundaried about my sabbath day now (though not always completely successful at keeping it) and I am feeling less guilty about taking time for rest and spiritual nourishment.
- Prioritize time for friends and making new friends. Just say yes to activities that bring silliness and joy.
- I did a one-day choir in the spring that was amazing. I also made a couple new friends. Making friends is hard, though, and it hasn’t been perfect. I’m trying not to be too worried about it.
In addition to these goals, I feel like I really did lean in to healthier habits, mostly because once I started taking action on things that weren’t working in my life, things really did get better. I went to the doctor and got on needed supplements, I got some weird moles tested, I started doing morning prayer and yogalates. I want to keep these things up, but they don’t need their own goal.
6 Goals for 2026
- Buy less, spend less: Buy 90% secondhand and spend less than $1,200 on clothes, shoes, and accessories for the year.
- Fast from social media: Check social media accounts for only 30 minutes per day and no endless scrolling.
- Hang out at home: Invite people over for low stakes socializing.
- Keep on reading: Read for pleasure.
- Print more photos: Maybe even send a Christmas card this year!
- Breathe deeply, play un-self consciously, sing with abandon, laugh uncontrollably, and be a little creature here on earth for the purpose of delight.
Wish me luck! How was your year?
